My long-term dream as a girl was to become a stay at home mother. I have always wanted to have a large family and to take care of them in the way that I felt was traditional. The dream has (as dreams will) changed quite a bit over the years and reality has sunk in in its slow way. For a long time I would look around myself and see a cluttered mess. The truth was, an emotional mess was all I saw, and I didn’t know how to clean it up. I was irritable and constantly annoyed with my husband and children. It never occurred to me that the real focus of my negative emotions was me. I didn’t feel very good about myself.
Many women don't understand the profound impact that they have on their families every single day. As wives and mothers, our moods dramatically affect those who are around us, and we can pass our cheer on to our children (and thereby our husbands) or we can pass off our bad mood and share our personal misery. If a housewife is happy, her family will be happy and her home will be peaceful; if she is unhappy, there will often be dissention in the ranks, disobedient children and an argumentative husband.
As women, we have a great deal of power. The trouble is that very many of us don't know how to wield that power we have been given! I feel strongly that knowing how to use our femininity will change the way that we look at ourselves and change the lives of our family for the better!
The truth is that we have a great deal of power as women. My husband is the head of my household and I feel that as a stay at home mom, I should be the heart of the home. It simply took me a long time to figure out how to create joy in my family.
Though the words "House Wife" have a negative connotation in today's society there is nothing that I love more. I guess there is something about waking up to the smell of freshly washed sheets and the sound of my husband in the shower, knowing that I don't have to go anywhere, I get to stay home. On these days that are growing colder I get to whisk my husband off into the cold while I stay nice and warm in the place I am most comfortable- home.
I get to watch my kids grow and change and appreciate their every little stage of life, and most of all I have the time to do things right. I feel that staying home has given me the time it takes to build a home, a comfy place to fall at the end of the day, a place that my children will remember when they are older and long for those childhood days, a place where we can grow our family. I love being a housewife but I feel that I am more, I am a homemaker, and fulfilling my purpose. Someday my children will look back and remember that I was always there to comfort them when they were sick or scared, and to share in their joys and accomplishments.
Mothering has changed me in so many ways. It has opened my eyes to far more than I bargained for – my sins and my faults, but also my hidden talents and untapped desires. While my husband is the head of the household, I am the heart of the home. I have an understanding of my position in the home and what I mean to my family. I strive every day to learn more about how my moods affect them and I attempt in every way possible to pass to them good feelings: about themselves, our home, the world in which we live.
Change your ATTITUDE to GRATITUDE
Part of being able to love my "domestic duties" is my outlook on them. Yes, it does help that I have mild OCD which makes me despise clutter & dirt. Yes, it also helps that I like the satisfaction that comes with the sparkle after my home is in order. And yes, I am blessed to be fascinated by homekeeping books & experts.
But mostly it is my gratitude for what I have. My family is so important to me, and I want to care for them in the best way, in every way, possible. I am grateful for the home we have, whether modest or luxurious. I am grateful for what our hard work provides our family. So that drives me to care for it in a way that shows my pride and love.
So often I hear about how much the cleaning, the laundry, the cooking, and the shopping are hated "chores". Why not try to change your viewpoint and look at them as a privelege instead? In this economy especially, it can be healing and inspiring to look at these tasks as a luxury! How lucky we are to have homes to clean! Lucky to have clothes to launder, hot water to wash the dishes, food to cook...
Our attitudes when shifted to gratitude can drive us accomplish so much more! We can get our tasks done so much more quickly because we aren't plodding through them. And we are more inspired to add the little extra touches along the way to show our families how much we care.
I Wanna Win an Award Too, Damnit
Let me begin by saying that I love my job as a full-time mother to four children. I am totally fulfilled, happy, and satisfied. However, my resume is not getting any longer these days; I'm not getting any raises, bonuses, or promotions; and it comes as no surprise that I was not among those named "Unsung Heroes of the Year". I don't mean to be pushy, but if someone would just nominate me for some kind of award, I could put it on my resume and it would really be fun for me. I'd even help write the nominating application!
The foremost candidate for such an award would be someone who does not seek media attention. That's me for sure. I do not seek media attention at all, especially not first thing in the morning, when I'm walking around like a Zombie with Tina Turner hair or running to get donuts for breakfast. Since this often happens before I have seen the inside of a shower, I am usually wearing my pajamas or yesterdays clothes, with no bra but hoping my jacket will cover up the obvious tube socks with oranges. Photograph me at your peril.
Second, this award would honor people who have done something for the neighborhood. That's easy. Property values in my neighborhood would plummet if my kids were murderers, arsonists, or thieves. Since they are not, our local property values are stable, thanks to me. Part of my daily job is to watch my children and make sure that they do not start any fires. I keep them from killing each other and their friends, and we practice not stealing things from the grocery store at least once a week.
What goal have I accomplished? My goal is always the same: to get my children through the day alive. Short of that, it is to make sure that they are alive until my husband gets home. This is not as easy as it sounds, since my three & two year old's goal for each day is to escape from the house with the car keys and operate a motor vehicle. You see what I face.
Finally, an award like this generally goes to someone who has overcome obstacles. Now, I'm not really sure what kind of obstacles we're talking about here. Are they the physical kind? Well, I have to hurdle over blocks, mini-vans, trucks, cars, and vroom vroom motorcycles, balls, and little tykes to get to my toddlers sippy cups that have been missing since yesterday, and I'm not sure if that's milk in there or alien fetuses.
Or are they referring to the "challenged" kind of obstacle? If so, I need to know how many we are allowed to include because my family is really challenged. We are morning-challenged, as noted above. We are also bedtime-challenged, sharing-challenged, eating-challenged, obeying-challenged, potty-challenged, and serenity-challenged. The biggie is that we are neatness-challenged. But we are not snack-challenged.
So, if you are convinced that I am the kind of hero you'd like to see get an award, let me know. But don't call me on the phone, because I am temporarily telephone-challenged. One of my sons gets my cell phone to take pictures and won't hand it over without a monstrous tantrum, during which I can not hear to talk anyway. Drop me a line. I do get my mail--which is the only time I am alone--walking out to the mailbox at a snails pace.
Any awards will have to be tossed through the window of her minivan, as she no longer has time for ceremonies or acceptance speeches.
I found this poem on the internet and fell in love with it. It is so true. Sometimes I get caught up in the daily stress of life and I forget just how small and fragile my children really are.
How to Really Love a Child
Be there.
Say yes as often as possible.
Let them bang on pots and pans.
If they're crabby, put them in water.
If they're unlovable, love yourself.
Realize how important it is to be a child.
Go to a movie theater in your pajamas.
Read books out loud with joy.
Invent pleasures together.
Remember how really small they are.
Giggle a lot.
Surprise them.
Say no when necessary.
Teach feelings.
Heal your own inner child.
Learn about parenting.
Hug trees together.
Make loving safe.
Bake a cake and eat it with no hands.
Go find elephants and kiss them.
Plan to build a rocket ship.
Imagine yourself magic.
Make lots of forts with blankets.
Let your angel fly.
Reveal your own dreams.
Search out the positive.
Keep the gleam in your eye.
Encourage silly.
Plant licorice in your garden.
Paint their tennis shoes.
Open up.
Stop yelling.
Express your love.
A lot.
Speak kindly.
Handle with caring.
10 Ways to Love your Husband Without Saying a Word
1.Clean Laundry – clean socks, clean t-shirts, and clean under garments folded & put away. I have found that my husband is blessed when I iron his shirts for him as well!
2.Warm Bread, Favorite Meal, and a Cold Beverage (or just a nice dessert) waiting on the table when he comes home. (Maybe not necessary every night. I aim for a special meal or dessert once a week.) Serve him a candlelight dinner every once in a while!
3.Not nagging during those times when he needs to rest and relax (whether it be sports, video games, computer, or newspaper time) to be doing something else. My hubby enjoys resting in front of a movie once a week, and although I sometimes would prefer talking, I need to give him room to relax! Or just giving him room to watch a manly movie! That is a blessing to him, instead of demanding the more romance ones!
4.Not nagging period.
5.Not nagging about your period. (that would be me!)
6.Smiling when your eyes meet his.
7.Washing his truck, car, motorcycle…whatever his big boy toy might be. (Bonus points for cleaning the interior too Ladies!)
8.Stopping whatever “busy” work you might be doing to just sit and join him in whatever activity he is doing. (My hubby loves building puzzles – I need to learn to enjoy this hobby with him, even though it isn’t my favorite!)
9.Hold his hand whenever you can. Be it the mall, the grocery, the neighborhood, or at church. Just whenever you can.
10.Get to bed before him, take a nice warm bath, put on some perfumed lotion, something frilly or whatever you know he likes and wait.
"MARRIAGE"
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
TO THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN
To The Most Wonderful Man
I know how much you hate my handwriting so typing this out was the only option I had and maybe even one day I will let you read this !! We have had so many wonderful years together, and and now looking at the circumstances that we face they seem to have just flown by, the fights, hardships, money woes now seem so trivial compared to cancer. Our children and their teen and tween drama has somehow become welcomed distraction, and a way for us just to seem normal, rather then face what what will enviably become the end of our beautiful marriage. From the day we met we knew we were to be together, an boy did we have fun !! Do you remember getting caught under the power lines LMAO !! Boy that cop didn't know what to say when he found me scrambling to put on your tank top only to have put it on backwards !! God that was so funny !! Our romantic trip to Ocean Shores only to get caught in a sandstorm running down the beach with a 30 pound kid, as we passed him back and forth between us !!
How kind you were to me the day I turned 30...or the first real date we had when I cooked you dinner, only for you to show up with gifts for the whole year because you wanted to make sure you didn't ever forget a special day or holiday, you even gave me a heart shaped ceramic jewelry holder that says “To the Most Special Mom in the World” for Mothers Day and it was our first date !! I think the most special day they stands out in my mind is when I took you to breakfast, gave you a address and asked you to take me there, only to show you our new house !! After 14 yrs of living in that little cabin you now have a ½ acre to call your own, you were so happy you cried when I gave you the key's ( I still only think those tears were for you finally having a garage though you will never admit it !! )
Through all our tears, yelling, hugging, laughing & slamming doors we have had a wonderful life together, and today wasn't any different when we made what would be your decision on the quality of your life and how you choose to live it. I would never stand in the way of how you choose to spend your days, it isn't and never will be my place to decide, I'm your wife, the mother of your children, but most of all best friend, I can only stand next to you and hold your hand. Yes I want to be selfish, yes I want to scream don't leave me to raise these kids myself, but I must stand by you and respect your decision, that is what love is all about, at least our love. As most people choose this time of year to celebrate with friends an family, I celebrate that you are here with us, I think last Thanksgiving was our Christmas, I have never been more thankful then that day !! Not only were you with us, but you weren't chemo sick. We laughed, giggled, pulled pranks on the kid's after 21 years I swear that was the best holiday ever !! It will be in my mind and heart forever & ever, as my love for you will always be, no matter where our incredible journey through this wonderful marriage my end, you are the one true love that people dream of, my soul mate,my lover, my friend the person who still gives my butterfly's when enters the room, ( yes honey I find you sexy with or without hair ) I'm proud and blessed to call you my husband, your courage amazes me, and if and when the day comes, I will draw on that courage and strength for our boys, to see me through my love. I promise you that
I Love you Forever & Always ,
Me
**This was not my writing and the author is unknown
BEING YOUR HUSBANDS "TRUSTY SIDEKICK"
When things in my marriage are going all weird and funky...Joe and I seem to be disagreeing about everything...we seem to be bumping heads...or frustrated with each other...I eventually take a step back and go.."What the heck am I doing??.. WHY am I competing with my best friend...my number one...for the RIGHT card??"
Being our husband's trust side kick is being the BEAUTIFUL compliment that walks by his side. It's being his back up...ready to take on whatever might bring him down! Being his trusty side kick is to CHEER for him to make the BEST decisions because WE KNOW he's got it in him! Being his trusty side kick is helping him feel like he's the best...most hottest sexiest man that ever walked this earth!
We shouldn't try to prove each other wrong...we back each other up! I'm not saying that we shouldn't have brains...or just walk around with a robotic smile on our faces and lowering our vocabulary to "Yes dear whatever you say dear" but when we CHOSE to be agreeable...we become happier...joyful...and FREE!!! When we CHOOSE To support our husbands in EVERYTHING...we really do start to FEEL that way. We start to fall deeply in love with our husbands and trust them...when we CHOOSE to be their trusty side kick..and not their enemy (I call it..the MY WAY OR THE HIGH WAY MONSTER) our bond builds...and our husbands end up treating us like their side kick too...they start NEEDING our opinions..and trusting our opinions..and wanting to have us right by their sides...
REMEMBER
As we set out on the path of married life
And today we become Husband and Wife
I thought it would be a good idea
To remind you of the promises made here
If time moves on and is not kind
And life becomes a bit of grind
If we get all wrinkly and old
Remember, to have and to hold.
If things get tough and they probably will
And the road to our future seems all up hill
If all our life seems like one big curse
Remember, for better or worse
If finances start to get real tight
And the end of the tunnel has no light
If the bank keeps asking for morer and morer
Remember, for richer or poorer
If one of us gets ill and feel the worlds at an end
And only expensive treatment will put us on the mend
If we have to make a choice between life or wealth
Remember, in sickness and in health
If we have issues that pull us apart
And it’s not as easy as it was at the start
If it feels like our marriage is about to perish
Remember, to love and to cherish
No one knows what our life will decide
But good or bad, it fills me with pride
To say I will love you with all of my heart
From this day forward till death do us part.
I LOVE MY HUSBAND BECAUSE....
- He loves me for me. He has never tried to change me and accepts me for who I am.
- That he loves my body just the way it is.
- He supports me in everything.
- He's my personal cheerleader.
- He encourages me to chase my dreams.
- He thinks being a SAHM (stay at home mom) is a full time job and therefore doesn't expect the house to be spotless when he gets home.
- He's a manly man.
- He gives the best hugs and kisses in the world.
- He gave me the perfect family.
- He tells me everyday that I'm special and a good person. I need this reassurance since I tend to doubt myself a lot.
- He tells me I'm a wonderful mom. This is even more important than the one above this.
- He still looks at me like I'm the most special person on the face of the earth
- He has random spurts of romance.
- He lets me run the household. I'm a bit of a control freak, and he puts up with my anal retentiveness.
- He tells me he loves me every time I talk to him and isn't afraid to tell me in front of all his friends.
- He thinks my boobs are still amazing even after they've been through 3 pregnancies and breastfeeding.
- He makes me laugh with his sarcastic sense of humor that I only get sometimes.
- He thinks I'm beautiful without my makeup.
- He loves my cooking.
- He wants me to get out of the house. He all but shoves me out the door to make sure that I get some time out of the house with a break from the kids
- I could go on and on, but the bottom line is, my husband loves me and for this I am grateful and blessed.
I LOVE YOU JOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TEN COMMANDMENTS OF A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
Ten Commandments Of A Successful Marriage
Judge Joseph Sabbath, after twenty year's experience in presiding over what he called "the nightmare world of the divorce courts," framed ten commandments of a successful marriage which, he predicted, could prevent at least ninety percent of marital smashups:
Ten Commandments for Marriage
1. Bear and forbear.
2. Work together, play together, and grow up together.
3. Avoid the little quarrels, and the big ones will take care of themselves.
4. Compromise (give and take). It is the antitoxin of divorce.
5. Practice sympathy, good humor, and mutual understanding.
6. Don't grouch before breakfast or after it.
7. Respect your "in-laws," but don't criticize them or take criticism from them.
8. Establish your own home, even in a one room flat.
9. Fight for each other, but not with each other.
10. Build your home on religious faith, with love and forgiveness as the watchword.
Ten commandments for husbands
1. Thou shalt not take thy wife for granted, but will honour and respect her as thy equal. (1 Pet 3:7)
2. Thy highest allegiance, except God, shall be to thy wife, not thy relatives or friends. (Gen 2:24)
3. Thou shalt frequently tell thy wife how important & valuable she is to thee. (Phil 2:3; Prov 31:10-11)
4. Thou shalt hold thy wife's love by the same means that thou won it. (Sos 5:10-16)
5. Thou shalt actively establish family discipline with thy wife's help. (Eph 6:4)
6. Remember to do all the little things for thy wife when you say you will. (Mt 5:37)
7. Keep thine eyes on thy own wife, not thy neighbors. (Prov 5:15-20; Job 31:1; Jer 5:8)
8. Thou shalt make every effort to see things from thy wife's point of view. (Gen 21:12)
9. Thou shalt not fail to kiss thy wife every morning. (Sos 8:1)
10. Thou shalt not be stingy with thy wife when it comes to money. (Esther 5:3)
Ten commandments for wives
1. Expect not thy husband to give thee as many luxuries as thy father hath given thee after many years of hard labor. (Phil 4:11; Amos 4:1)
2. Thou shalt work hard to build thy house with the husband that you have, not fantasizing about "the one that could have been". (Prov 14:1)
3. Thou shalt not nag...hit him with thine frying pan, it is kindlier. (Prov 27:15; 21:19)
4. Thou shalt coddle thy husband and be a warm wife. (1 Cor 7:3-5)
5. Remember that the frank approval of thy husband is more to thee than the side glances of many strangers. (Ezek 16:32; 2 Pet 2:14)
6. Thou shalt not yell at thy husband but will be a gentle and quiet spirit. (1 Pet 3:1-4)
7. Permit no one to assure thee that thou art having a hard time of it. (1 Pet 5:9)
8. Thou shall not fail to dress up for thy husband with an eye to please him, as thou didst before marriage. (Sos 4:9-11)
9. Thou shalt submit to thy husband from thy heart and allow him to be head of the household. (Col 3:18; 1 Pet 3:6; Eph 5:33)
10. Thou shalt assure thy husband and others that he is the greatest man alive. (Phil 2:3; Sos 5:9-16)
